hey there! i’m sorry i didn’t reply to your last email but i have been so busy with my school and with my job.

You asked me if I am ok? Well,i don’t really know the answear to that. I’m trying to be strong for my mom and for my own sanity of course.I never realised how hard it is without a person. I always thought he will always be there and now that he isn’t I feel like i’m empty. I’m trying to reconnect with God but i’m finding that hard as well.

My days are the same : i wake up in the morning,i go to the office,at 6 I go home ,talk with my mom and after that i sleep. The week-ends are the worst,i can’t even get out of bed. I don’t like going out,i have to pretend i’m happy and stuff.

Like i said before,i feel i have a hole in me that won’t close up. I stay up at night (sometimes,mostly week-ends) and i think about him,and i see all kind of flash backs and then i feel i need somebody…but there is no one.

Today ,it’s friday,it’s been exactly 1 month and 3 weeks since he died. And it’s like a rule,if it’s friday i cry…with tears or in myself,i feel so thore apart. 

I don’t know what to do besides being strong for mom…i can’t find a reason to wake up. I find myself thinking that it’s useless to get out of bed.

 

Damn,i’m sorry ,i’m being selfish. What’s up with you?

Hugs’n’kisses.